50% of people said they didn't feel confident having a conversation with someone if they were concerned about their memory. What should people do if they're worried?

One of the most common calls to our National Dementia Helpline is from people who are unsure of how to start a conversation telling a loved one they're concerned about their memory. It can be a difficult conversation to have, but is worth it. We've put together some top tips to help people approach the subject in a sensitive way.

Take steps to get help when you're worried about someone's memory:

Step 1: Plan a conversation in a familiar, non-threatening environment

Step 2: Explain why talking is important - you're worried because you care
Step 3: Use examples to make things clearer - It's important to be careful not to create a sense of 'blame'. For example, instead of telling someone they couldn't make a cup of tea you could suggest they seemed to find it difficult to make the tea
Step 4: Have an open conversation - be honest and direct. Ask how they're feeling about their memory?
Step 5: Make a positive plan of action together.

Top Tips

• Be positive - a diagnosis can give people access to the help and support they need, or the GP can help you rule out dementia and treat other symptoms. Raising concerns with your doctor can be a really positive step forward.
• Make notes of situations that have got you worried. Giving examples will help you to express yourself in a clear and real way.
• Don't be upset if the person refuses to accept what you're saying - put yourself in their shoes, they may be frightened or confused.
• Due to the stigma surrounding dementia it is important to use non-judgemental language and make them feel at ease. Reassure them it's not their fault.
• Make sure it's an open conversation and be a good listener. Allow the person to discuss their feelings and thoughts  
• Be ready to take action together. Once you've broached the subject, don't hesitate, book a doctor's appointment so you're working towards getting help
• Never make promises about what can be done or what the future looks like - you can only offer support

Here are some leading questions that you can ask to start the conversation and explore how a person if feeling about their memory:

• You seem worried, I'd like to talk about it with you? 
• You don't seem yourself, how do you feel?
• I'd like to help you, what are you finding difficult at the moment?
• If you would like to talk I am here for you. I would really like to hear how you're feeling?
• Can we talk about how things are for you at the moment?
• Are you ok? You seem to be concerned about something?

Some carers of people with dementia have shared some of the reactions they got when broaching the subject with a loved one. Here are some of their experiences:

• Some people were in denial and refused to discuss the subject - they were overwhelmed by the use of the word Alzheimer's disease or dementia
• Many were pleased that someone else had noticed they were having problems with their memory and that they wanted to help
• Some were pleased that a family member/friend had talked to them about their worries, involving them in what plan to make rather than talking about the fact they're worried about their memory behind their back.

SOURCE: The Alzheimers Society