As
a little girl in the 1970s, I still remember watching "The Partridge
Family" every week with my grandmother. I was a little too young to
worship teen idols back then, but I
still recall the magazine covers and posters of David Cassidy, with his long
shag haircut and beautiful blue eyes.
It's hard to believe that
anything bad could happen to the teen idol who seemed invincible to so many
adoring fans. But last week, Cassidy, who is now 66, went public with the news
that he has dementia.
According to the Mayo
Clinic website, dementia isn't a specific disease, but rather a condition
characterized by symptoms that affect memory, thinking ability and social
functioning severe enough to interfere with daily life. The most common cause
of dementia is Alzheimer's disease.
As devastating as dementia
is to the person diagnosed with it, the condition can also affect a spouse and
other family members a great deal.
Alita Arnold is a care
manager, on-staff nurse and cognitive therapeutics specialist for home care
agency Home Care Assistance, which operates throughout Chicago's northern
suburbs. Arnold said the first symptom people affected with dementia experience
is usually short-term memory loss.
"There is a normal
level of cognitive sharpness that can decline as we get older, like forgetting
where we put our keys or trying to find a word we can't put our finger
on," said Arnold, who has been in the field for five years. "But when
the inability to execute plans and juggle all the details that go into your
home or workplace begins to interfere with your life and relationships, it's a
problem."
Arnold said when people are
diagnosed with dementia, both the patient and his or her spouse usually face
fear and sadness, but that every dementia case is different.
"Some patients decline
quickly but others could have smaller deficits that stay at the same level for
longer periods of time without serious declines," she said.
So, how do you cope if you
or your spouse is diagnosed with dementia? Arnold said the best thing couples
can do is try and live their healthiest, most active, involved and connected
life. What does that mean? Here are her tips:
• Continue to be hopeful
and do things you love.
• Stay active or if you
aren't active, get active! There is scientific data supporting the benefit of
exercise to delay or slow down the progression of dementia.
• Don't isolate those
around you. If you see signs of depression, get help. Depression is linked to
less favorable outcomes in dementia, so it's very important to address it.
• If you are the spouse,
understand personality changes that can come with the condition. These include
irritability, aggression, mood swings, paranoia, anger, being sexually
uninhibited and inappropriate, and using foul language. Don't take anything
personally and realize that the disease is acting out, not your spouse.
• Some patients cover their
dementia symptoms with humor or clever tactics to justify not remembering
people's names or details when they are asked questions. In a way it can be a
good thing because it helps the person maintain self-respect and it protects
them. But on the other hand, the people close to them need to understand they
are struggling and not put on them the responsibilities they can't handle.
• Know when to step in and
have the discussion that he or she needs outside help.
• The spouse has to make
sure they are taking care of themselves. They need breaks. They need to get
away and do self-nurturing things so that they can be present and healthy for
the loved one. That might mean getting part-time or full-time home care or
utilizing resources around them such as senior center programs, cognitive
stimulation programs, art classes, lectures, etc.
• Be prepared. It is
heartbreaking to see your spouse decline cognitively. The person can become
mean, demanding and difficult. Again, remember, it is the disease – not your
spouse's fault.
• Better overall health
means better quality of life for patients with dementia. That's why it is
important to address any health issues, including high blood pressure, poor
sleep, poor diet or hydration.
• Encourage the patient to
maintain social ties and engage in mentally stimulating activities.
I cannot imagine how
difficult it would be to see your spouse or a loved one change from the person
you've known for so long to someone who might seem like a stranger at times.
As David Cassidy sang so
often in his 1970s megahit song, "I think I Love You," it's important
to live those words every day, remembering to cherish and enjoy the good and
meaningful moments. Because whether they are funny or serious or heartfelt,
these are the times that give life and love deep meaning.
SOURCE: Lake Zurich Courier, Jackie Pilossoph
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